From Fear To Love: My Path Towards Living In Alignment

There was a time in my life where all I really knew how to do was react to situations:  to look at problems with fear, instead of love. I didn’t know how to see the lesson, or the gift in these situations, it was immediately, reaction.

I will never forget the time (because my mom won’t let me – ha!) I had it in my rigid and stuck brain that I was to be at the pool at 6:15am to train for a triathlon, just to find myself at a pool that was closed for maintenance.  I called my mom panicked, having a full-blown anxiety attack over the idea that my plan didn’t go the way I wanted it to.

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That was an eye opener, but not one big enough to recognize the extent of my issues.  Oh no, I had to go through a few (or many) more of these episodes and find myself in an absolute shit storm of a situation to really realize that the way I was living, and reacting, was not in my highest good.  I was not living in alignment.

So there I was, on New Years day, my whole life had changed in the matter of hours and I was in a situation of truly not knowing what my next move was (and this from a girl who had her whole life figured out at age 9).  I was 21, had just been dumped, and was using booze and boys as an outlet from the pain of betrayal and heartbreak.

I was working a meaningless job, in a meaningless city, with no real friends or support.  My anxiety was at an all time high, and I was what my grandpa would call “gold fishing”.

I didn’t know what this city or job had to offer me, but magically I was offered an out.  To move out West and manage a store…my very own store! It was a dream come true. But this magic didn’t happen over night – oh no, it took me months of struggle, pain and anxiety to get to this point.

There was a time in between the breakup and the big move where I was at a low point.  And I had finally been referred to a physiologist to try and help me manage this anxiety that at this point, had fully consumed me.

Off I went, to meet Dr. Hampe – the doctor that changed everything for me.  At first I was under the impression that when you go to see a doctor like this, they just give you medicine and all is fixed.  Well that was yet another eye opener. He said to me

“Krista, you don’t need medication.  You need to slow down. To breathe. And to find balance.”

I was sitting there questioning all of his advice, but at the same time, sort of open to any solution that may help.

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We finished our long, emotional session by him suggesting, I take up the practice of yoga.  Keep in mind, I was a “gym rat”, marathon runner and rigid as hell. Not to mention the shape of my physical body was not that of a “yogi”!  But nonetheless, I took his advice and started a yoga practice in February of 2013.

I remember walking into this yoga studio; a quite, gentle and serene space with the intention to get a work out in and say I am doing yoga.  The first few classes were awful, so quiet and still. My mind was filled with so many self-loathing thoughts.

“Why can’t I sit still?  Why can’t I do this pose? Am I not even good enough for yoga?”

Over time, those thoughts slowly stopped showing up on the mat.  It wasn’t immediate, but I could feel a shift in my mental well-being.

I could feel my breath.

I could feel my body.

After years of thinking I knew my body, I was starting to actually know this physical body I lived.

It took a long time to get to where I am now with the connection to my body and mind and I know I still have a lot of work to do.

But, looking back, I can see that this was all part of the journey.

All part of the path towards living in alignment.


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Krista

@alexandrabeadhouse

kristamarie.ca

Krista Marie is the owner + designer at Alexandra Bead House. She is a crystal healer, yoga instructor and tarot card reader. With Krista's background in retail marketing and management, she decided to start her own healing crystal business in the fall of 2015. After 2 years of running Alexandra Bead House, Krista decided to fulfill her dream of being an entrepreneur and took on Alexandra Bead House as her full time gig. Krista's love for crystals, tarot and yoga has blossomed into a well-rounded heart healing business.